


(Even Our Bad Decisions Are) Meant To Be

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e04 The End, F/M, Genderswap, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Unplanned Pregnancy, kink meme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 15:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna figures having unprotected sex with Cas from the future will be just another of the many end-of-the-world related poor decisions she can't afford to dwell on for too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Even Our Bad Decisions Are) Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Written to fill a prompt on spnkink_meme.

Once she's left alone with this time's Cas, Deanna forces herself to look him in the eye. Yeah, seeing Cas like this sucks, but you know what's gonna suck more? Seeing Lucifer wearing her brother.

So Deanna can deal with a Cas who's human, who's stoned as can be, and who doesn't mind using his former angel status to get laid. With women who aren't Deanna.

Not that it's the last one that's _really_ bothering her. No, no, definitely not. It's just- she always sort of figured, if Cas weren't an angel, he'd be- maybe not that they'd be in love, but that they'd be _something_. Something other than disillusioned with each other and a little cold.

Okay, that's enough eye contact, she decides. She should probably say something.

"So, orgies, huh?" is what emerges from her mouth. Great, that's not transparent at all.

But Cas just continues to look stoned and a little bored. "Sometimes," he replies. "Sometimes not. It depends."

"Oh," is all she can think to say to that. There's really no good place to take a conversation about Cas's sex life.

"Sometimes you and I screw," he adds. "When you want to."

"Oh," Deanna says again, hoping it doesn't sound as blindsided as she feels. Maybe it's just whatever drugs he's taken, but Cas sounds like he doesn't care, like he just gave her tomorrow's weather forecast. Like screwing her, or not, doesn't matter to him.

It's almost worse than thinking they've never slept together at all.

"We haven't in a while. I think maybe you're through with me." He laughs his strange, bitter laugh. "You're through with a lot of things."

"Cas, I-" What can she say to that? That she doesn't like her future self any more than he seems to? That she won't let it happen? 

"You're here now, though," he adds in a different tone. The look he gives her is only a shadow of his focus in her own time, but it's more than she's seen from this Cas yet. "You know, if you want to."

She really shouldn't, but she's reaching for him almost before he's done talking. It's a terrible idea, but she's already kissing him like he's the air she needs to breathe, and it's sloppy and more than a little desperate and her teeth bump against his lips and she's embarrassed for herself, how much she wants this, how obvious she's being.

It seems to wake Cas up a little, though, and he kisses back, hard. "I've got you," he tells her, stroking her hair a little as she presses her face into his neck, wanting to feel his warmth, burrow against his skin and touch. "I've got you now."

The hand in her hair lingers at her neck; his other hand is resting on her hip. She's wrapped herself around him and has to force herself to loosen her grip so she can respond to the gentle push he's giving her, the hand on her hip urging her down to sit on the mattress on the floor of his cabin.

"Cas," she gasps in the midst of a series of forceful kisses, as his hands slide under her t-shirt and start to push it up. She raises her arms and lets him push it off, then fumbles at her own back, undoing her bra. He's still all the way dressed, and she wants to get his shirt off, too, but she can only pull at the cotton covering his shoulders as he bends over and licks her left nipple, blowing on it gently before taking it in his mouth and sucking, hard.

"Oh god," she says as he pinches her other nipple, blowing on the left one again. Her nipples have always been sensitive, and what Cas is doing to her is so good, it hits her: _they do this, sometimes._ He knows just what she likes, and she's hardly even touched him before, in her time. Never so much as seen his ankle, for christ's sake. "We need to be naked, now."

He pulls his mouth away from her nipple, leaving his hands cupping her breasts. "I agree." God, his mouth is obscene, like this, swollen from kissing and sucking. His warm hands are leaving her skin, but that's okay. It's so he can pull his shirt over his head, and she doesn't care that she's being obvious, again, as she stares at all the skin being revealed while toeing off her shoes and fumbling at the fly of her jeans. 

He's pale, and on the thin side, but it's Cas, and she never thought she'd see him like this, and she won't see it again, because when she gets back home she's going to make sure _this_ never happens, this future that's fucking lousy for all of them. This is a one-time only, limited opportunity, and she won't feel bad about making the most of it. 

Down to just her panties, she watches eagerly as Cas, standing now at the side of the mattress, tugs down his own jeans. Fuck, he's not wearing anything underneath them; she's looking at Cas's cock. Her mouth probably drops open a little, but she can't help it, because he's gorgeous. Cut, big and already glistening with precome at the tip. Cas is hard for her, he's gonna fuck her, and she rubs herself through her panties at the thought.

"Let me," he says, watching her just as carefully as she's been watching him, blue eyes hooded and a little red from the drugs she doesn't want to think about. He joins her on the mattress and replaces her hand with his own, pulling the crotch of her underwear aside to touch her, gentle and maybe a bit reverent, enough that she has to try not to think about the Cas she knows, about what parts of him are still a part of the man she's about to fuck.

Then all she can do is lie back on the mattress and not think at all, as he traces two slick fingers up to her clit and gives her just the right pressure, just the right circling motion, no teasing, just relentless friction that pulls an orgasm swiftly out of her and leaves her trembling, and the whole time he just watches her, watches his fingers, doesn't kiss her, so she gasps out nonsense syllables into the air, as quiet as she can.

"Cas," she says when his fingers still, because she hasn't even had a chance to touch his cock, and god she wants to. But he's got other plans, pulling her underwear off and sliding down her body to replace his fingers with his mouth. "Holy hell," she moans. The second orgasm comes over her more gradually, built up slowly by the warm, wet pressure of Cas's tongue.

"C'mon and fuck me already," Deanna tells him when she can manage a complete sentence again, abrupt tone belied by the way she's gently smoothing her fingers through his hair.

He hesitates. "I don't suppose you've got a condom with you."

She doesn't. It's been a while since sex seemed like something she should be prepared for. The apocalypse is profoundly unsexy. "You telling me you don't have one? Don't you organize orgies?"

Cas shrugs. "I make the girls take care of it. I'm not … always in the right state of mind for practicalities."

Deanna's glad that he's not as stoned as he could be right now, apparently, since he did think of it this time. "Fuck," she says, and then "fuck," again. She makes another possibly terrible decision. "Hell with it," she says. "We're doing this anyway."

Cas looks unsure but doesn't object when she tugs at his shoulder to pull him up and over her, and he sure as hell doesn't object when she reaches down and finally gets a hand on his dick. "Deanna," he breathes, closing his eyes, and thrusts a little into her grip.

"We're doing this," she repeats, and uses her hand to line him up so the tip of his cock is pressing into her. God, he's going to feel so good, filling her up and splitting her open. "Move, Cas."

Move he does, thrusting in hard and then pausing, waiting for her. "Cas," she says again. They're both so still and there's a silence that she feels she has to fill. Deanna closes her eyes. "Wanted this," she whispers. "Wanted you, Cas."

He lets out two ragged breaths in response before finding her mouth with his own again. He's moving again, thrusting into her with no rhythm, at first, but she kisses him back and runs her hands down his back, soothing, and his pace evens out. He brings a hand down to thumb her clit, and she hisses into his mouth.

"Deanna," he says when his hips begin to stutter again, "I'm going to-" He moves a little, as if to pull away, pull out, and Deanna wraps her legs around his back to keep him with her.

"Come for me, Cas," she says into his ear, eyes open and staring at the blank wall behind him. "Want you to come inside me."

He groans her name as he comes, collapses with his face pressed between her breasts, and as she traces mindless patterns into the sweat that's beading on his back, she figures having unprotected sex with Cas from the future will be just another of the many end-of-the-world related poor decisions she can't afford to dwell on for too long.

Two months later, kneeling over the toilet in a motel bathroom and starting to find that position just a little too familiar, she thinks that fate or the universe or whoever (Cas's dad, and isn't that a creepy thought?) isn't going to let her get away so easily.

Neither is Sam, and yeah, she's proud her little brother is so smart, but does he have to be smart right now? About this? She's barely begun to think about what this means, herself. She's not ready to emerge from yet another porcelain throne worshipping session to see Sam sitting on the bed closest to the door, looking at her gravely.

"Dee," he says, and she'd make a hasty excuse to leave but he's closer to the door than she is, damn him. "What's going on?"

"The end of the world," she says, but Sam (unsurprisingly) doesn't look satisfied. "And, uh, I think breakfast didn't agree with me."

"Breakfast hasn't agreed with you for a couple weeks," he replies, and he's using his most neutral tone, damn him. He knows that pisses her off. She doesn't try to deny it, just storms past him to start rooting around in her duffel. She knows she has some Pepto in here somewhere, not that it's helped yet.

"Deanna." And great, he's using her full name and no good ever came of that. "Tell me you didn't do something stupid."

"I've done plenty of stupid things, Sammy," she snaps. "Is there one in particular you want to talk about?"

"Just tell me you aren't pregnant, Dee." She can't look at her brother, but Sam sounds so worried.

"I-" She starts to tell him what he wants to hear, but the words won't come out. "Would it be so bad if I was?" she whispers. 

It's a genuine question, and it's the first time she's asked herself that, acknowledged that this is really happening. Sam, though, goes off, oblivious to the nuance.

"Bad? Dee, it's the end of the world and it's already a disaster! You can't seriously want to have a baby at a time like this. I mean, you couldn't even be pregnant and hunt when things are more normal-"

Deanna sees red. Fuck Sam, he's never understood all the shit she had to go through to prove herself to Dad and every other damn hunter out there just because she's a woman. Probably thought it was just Dad being too demanding, the way he always saw him. "What the hell, Sam. I'm a damn good hunter, I take care of myself and have to save your ass half the time, too, and I can still do that pregnant. Who says I can't? You? You don't get to decide this for me," she screams at him.

Sam throws up his hands, gestures at the space between them like he'd like to shake her. "Oh, so you're keeping it? Damn the apocalypse, Deanna Winchester has to prove she's twice the hunter anyone else could ever be, and if she has to endanger an unborn child to do it? Well, she's the Righteous Woman, so it must be the right decision!"

"Fuck you, Sammy. What the hell do you want me to do, huh? Go ahead and tell me what to do. You've got such a history of wise decisions, after all. A regular King Solomon." She snorts. "I guess that makes Ruby the Queen of Sheba." He hates it when she throws Ruby in his face.

"You're being completely irrational, and you're not even listening to me!"

"I'll listen to you when you say something worth listening to!"

"You never listen to anyone! What about the baby's father, would you listen to him?"

In a second, Deanna's rage at her stupid, stubborn brother who always thinks he knows what's best for her dissipates, replaced by worry. She sits down heavily on the bed behind her. The baby's father. Cas is an angel, she can't- she just can't tell him, but she maybe has to, unless she can come up with a convincing lie and then what? Keep on lying? To him, Sam, the kid? And he's not even really the baby's father, human him from five years in the future is. This is all fucked up.

Sam's sitting next to her on the bed, now no longer angry, either. He puts an arm around her. "Dee?" He sound apologetic. "You do know who the father is, right?"

On the plus side, Deanna is saved from having to shout at him again about all the terrible implications of asking her that question. On the down side, what saves her is the arrival of Castiel. One thing you can say for the guy, he has wonderful timing.

"Deanna? Sam? What is going on?" he asks. He gives her the head-tilt look, and god, she hopes being able to see when someone's pregnant isn't part of the angel mojo. She gives Sam a "keep quiet, this is a Winchester-only thing" look. They just need to find out why Cas is here, get him on his way, and then she can have some time to think.

"Dee's pregnant," Sam blurts out, damn him. So much for Winchester solidarity. She gives him a glare.

"Deanna?" She turns to face Cas and god, if she'd thought he'd looked at her intensely before, it's nothing compared to the way he's examining her now. "Is this true?"

"Yeah," she admits. She looks down at her feet. She feels tired and trapped.

"That is … surprising news," Cas says, and he sounds a bit uncertain. "When did-?"

"Sam." She interrupts him. "Could you, uh, maybe take a walk? Please?" 

Sam's eyes widen, and he practically jumps off the bed to stand beside Cas. "Sure!" he says. "You need to talk to Cas." His eyes shift between the two of them, and he's so damn smart, he's drawing conclusions and she knows she owes him an explanation, later. A tough one, since she hasn't mentioned her little trip to the future to him at all. "I can go. Just, uh, text when it's safe to come back?" She nods.

Deanna sits, silent, on the bed while he grabs his coat, phone and the room key and hustles out the door, thumping Castiel on the shoulder as he passes him. Jesus, was that his way of conveying manly congratulations? Subtle, Sammy.

Cas makes a face when Sam hits him, then returns to contemplating her. "You are having a baby," he says carefully. "May I ask who is the father?"

Ain't that the question of the day? You, except from the fucked-up future where you're human and a drugged out hippy, she thinks, and bites down on her tongue so the hysterical laughter doesn't escape. She thumps the bed next to her, and when Cas doesn't move, says "That means sit your ass down next to me, angel."

He sits. "I never told you much about the future Zach the dick sent me to, did I?"

Cas frowns, like he doesn't understand the change of subject. "You have told me enough. That Sam had said 'yes' to Lucifer, that the Croatoan virus was widespread. The essentials."

"I didn't tell you anything about you."

Cas looks thoughtful. "I assumed when you did not mention me, that I was … not there."

She laughs bitterly. "Oh, you were there alright. You were human," she says, all the things she wanted to keep from him tumbling out. "The other angels left and you lost your mojo, so you were human, basically, and you drank, you did drugs, had orgies, crazy shit, to try and feel like an angel again, I guess. It was fucked up, and it's not going to happen to you, not now. I fixed it. So I didn't want to tell you."

"I understand," Cas replies. There's a silent moment, and Deanna tries to gather her courage and just tell him. Cas never judges her. He won't start now. "Why are you telling me now, Deanna?" he asks.

"So, like I said, you were human," she continues, "and I guess you and me, um, you and future me, uh, we had sex. Sometimes. Between the orgies or whatever. Surprise!" She can't look at him. He's an angel, he's probably disgusted by the idea, and more than a little freaked out, like when she took him out and tried to get him laid before the thing with Raphael.

"I am not surprised," he says, and that's so unexpected she turns to look at him, and finds him staring at the wall. "If he was human … I am not surprised that it happened. He would have been in love with you for quite some time, by then."

Holy shit. Is Cas saying-? "I'm sorry, what?"

He turns to meet her eyes, and Cas looks sad, like he thinks she'll be upset with him or something. "I am in love with you, and thus, logically, so was my future self. It is only natural that a sexual relationship might develop between us, under the circumstances."

Oh my god. She doesn't even know how to respond to that revelation, and this conversation is not at all going how she'd thought it would. "I don't think he was in love with me," she says. "Not anymore. Future me was kind of an icy, heinous bitch. Hard to love."

"Angels are very faithful." Cas sounds resigned.

"Anyway, um. He- I- You offered, future you, I mean, and I- we had sex. Future you and me me," she clarifies. God, she has to look him in the eyes for this, at least. "You're the father."

Cas actually looks shocked, though he had to have guessed where this was going, shocked and like he might shatter. It's the most expressive she's ever seen him, and it kind of scares her. "Um. Sort of? I mean, I know you and I haven't actually, so not you you, exactly-" She's babbling, trying to get through to him, make Cas look like Cas again. God, she can never fix this, can she? She let herself be weak, took what she was offered, and it was a mistake, it's always a mistake, she can't be trusted to do the right thing, only to screw things up. Sam's right, she's fucked up good this time. If she hadn't also helped start the apocalypse, she'd say this was her worst fuck up ever.

She's jolted out of this chain of thoughts by Cas hugging her. Cas has never hugged her before, but he's doing it now. They're still sitting next to each other on the edge of a motel bed, and he's clutching her with his arms high up on her back, pulling her toward him. "Deanna," he says, drawing her name out and filling it with wonder, "I am very happy."

She lets herself lean against him. He's told her he loves her, she's told him they're having a baby. It's probably okay to take some comfort from him right now. "You're happy? About the baby?"

"Yes," he says, as though it should be self-evident. "Are you not?"

"I dunno," she says, because she doesn't. She hasn't really let herself feel much about it, yet. "It's a big thing. Not everything about having a baby is good, you know. Especially at the end of the world."

"There is a lot to think about," Cas says.

"Sam thinks I shouldn't have the baby." She has to get it out there, because as much as he pissed her off in the way he approached it, her brother did have a point. "It's a sin, right? Abortion. Killing an innocent."

Cas is looking at her evenly, which is a relief. She thought he might get all smite-y when she brought up killing a baby. Especially their baby.

"You have killed many people, none of them innocents. Still you are the Righteous Woman. You will do what is best."

God, Cas's faith in her is scary. "What if I don't know what's best?"

"Then you must think about it until you do know. Tell me why it might be better not to have this baby."

"I'm in danger all the time, I get hurt a lot, I'm trying to stop the apocalypse and frankly not doing so hot at it. Sam might be right that it's not something I can do pregnant. The baby could get hurt, or I could lose it. And even if I don't, then I've got a kid to raise during the end of the world. That's a pretty shitty thing to do to a kid."

"And if it were not the end of days? If we succeed in stopping it? Would you want this baby then, Deanna?"

"Yes," she replies instantly, surprising herself with how sure she is. A family, why wouldn't she want that? Except- "If it weren't the apocalypse, you wouldn't be here."

Cas looks taken aback. "I- No, I suppose not."

"And when this is over, if we win, you'll go back to Heaven, won't you?"

"I had thought so. Angels belong in Heaven."

"I don't want to do this if you're not here," she says quietly.

"Children need a father," Cas agrees.

She grabs his hands, because he doesn't understand, not all of it. "And I need you," she says. "I- I love you, too, Cas. Have for a while." 

He just looks at her, doesn't say anything, and god she feels awkward. "Can I kiss you?" he asks suddenly. "I would like to."

"Yeah," she says. "You should kiss me now."

It's Cas's first kiss, which is weird to think about, considering the circumstances. He starts out just pressing his lips to hers, so she adds a little movement, trying to get him to follow her lead. He's a quick study, and soon his mouth is opening to hers, and he doesn't taste like pot and cheap vodka, like future Cas kind of had. He's like the ocean, like blood, something alive and a little salty.

When their lips part, she leans her forehead against his and just rests for a moment. This all went better than she could've imagined. All because Cas is in love with her, too, and brave enough to just admit it. It's amazing, but also a little ridiculous, because "Can you imagine if this hadn't happened?" she says with a little chuckle. "God, Cas, if I hadn't slept with future you, we'd probably have spent the entire time you were on Earth in love with each other and never said a damn thing."

"Probably," Cas agrees, and he's giving her a little half smile that says he finds it funny, too. "I am glad that it happened, I must admit. Glad that now I can do this." He leans in to kiss her again. Second kiss seems like an appropriate time to add tongue to the mix, so she does, and Cas's response is passionate, if a little overenthusiastic. The kiss ends with her back on the bed, feet still on the floor, Cas leaning over her. 

That's, of course, when her phone beeps. It's Sam, asking if she's okay, and if he can come back yet because they're starting to give him odd looks in the pizza place he's hiding out at. With an apologetic look to Cas, she texts back that the coast is clear as long as he brings her some breadsticks. That sounds plain enough for her stomach to handle, hopefully.

"Cas," she says, rolling against him where he's now half-lying beside her on the bed, "what the hell are we doing?"

"Our best," Cas answers, "because that is what you always do. We will do our best to have this baby, and to be together."

"That sounds … pretty okay," Deanna says. "I think I can do that."

"I know you can," Cas says. She has to kiss him again, because this is why she loves him, because he always believes in her and he makes her believe in herself, too. She pulls away from the kiss sooner than she'd like. "Um, I kinda need to talk to Sam about the whole baby situation. Would you mind, uh-"

"-Taking a walk, so to speak? Certainly. I will go search for my father for a time. I am feeling … lucky, you could say."

"I'm the lucky one," she says. "See you later?"

"i will return later this evening," he says. "We could have dinner then, if you'd like?"

"Why, Cas, are you asking me on a date?" God, she's flirting with Castiel, Angel of the Lord, and it feels good, not to be hiding it.

"Yes."

"We're doing this whole thing ass-backwards, you know. First I get pregnant, then we have our first kiss, then we have our first date? Only you and I, Cas."

"Only us," Cas agrees. He seems pretty happy about it, actually, happy there's an 'us'. "Sam is almost back. I should go."

"Yeah. Bye. And, uh, I love you?" It comes out like a question and she feels so awkward. Maybe as part of this backwards relationship, she's regressing into a teenager. 

Cas doesn't seem to care about her possible return to age sixteen, though. He leans in and kisses her cheek. "I love you, too," he says, and disappears.

By the time he reappears in the early evening, she's had time to regroup from talking to Sam (which hadn't devolved into another shouting match, but had been exhausting anyway) and Sam's had time to earn a few little brother points by bringing her some ginger ale, which actually seems to be working (unlike the Pepto), so she even feels like she may be able to eat something on their dinner date.

That is, if she can get over the nerves. She has no idea what the fuck she's so worried about. It's just Cas; she's had dinner around him dozens of times, even if he doesn't actually eat with them. 

Can she maybe blame hormones for the fact that she actually had to stop herself from trying on all the clothes in her duffel? For dinner with Cas, who never changes his own clothes and has probably never noticed hers?

So yeah, she's kinda freaking out, but quietly, when Cas appears in the room. "Hey," she says, smiling at the sight of him despite her nerves.

"Hello, Deanna," he says, eyes on her the way they always are, but then he glances away, looks down at the ground. He's plucking at the right pocket of his coat.

"Shit, you're freaking out, too, aren't you?" she says.

He stiffens. "Angels do not 'freak out'."

"I'm guessing angels don't go on a lot of first dates, either." Or get a lot of women pregnant, she thinks. It's been a weird day for Cas, too.

"No, we do not. I am not 'freaking out', but it is possible I am feeling very … aware of my lack of experience in this area."

"Well, but you do have some experience having dinner with me. Sometimes without Sam pigging out across the table, even."

"True."

"So let's go to dinner."

They drive over to the place Cas has picked, and it's a 24-hour breakfast joint, so she orders pancakes, and after a grimace, an orange juice. Oh god, she has to give up coffee. That's gonna suck. She pours a little extra syrup on the pancakes to console herself.

Cas has actually ordered something for himself, she guesses because it's a date and he doesn't want her to feel awkward. He says the omelet is "not bad", but he's mostly moving pieces of it around his plate.

She doesn't really know what to talk about. Usually she and Sam and Cas talk shop over meals, but that's a little grim for a date, she thinks. And even thinking of talking about the baby out loud, in public, has her back on the edge of freaking out. 

She asks him how the God search went this afternoon, and that fills the silence for a while, as Cas tells her about Avignon and anti-Popes and why he thought his father might be there. When he finishes, though, it's back to the quiet and staring at each other across the sticky tabletop.

"Okay, so," she says when she can't take it any more, "you don't need to eat, I'm too busy thinking about how I'll be throwing this all up in the morning to really enjoy these pancakes, what do you say we go back to the motel and fool around now?"

"Alright," he says, looking relieved, and she throws a couple bills down on the table, enough to cover the check. 

"Next date, you're paying," she says. "I'm warning you so you'll make sure to have actual money with you."

"I will be sure to do that," he agrees gravely as he follows her out to the Impala.

Back at the motel, Cas hesitates when they reach the room door. "Sam," he starts.

"Has his own room now." He'd even offered, which made it ever so slightly less awkward.

Cas leans in to kiss her as soon as she has the door shut behind them, and she kisses back gently, letting him take the lead and enjoying feeling him relax and gain confidence. Eventually his hands move down to a sure grip on her hips and she ends up backed against a wall, leaning her weight against its solid surface as he pulls away, breathing heavily.

"Cas," she says, and reaches a hand out to trace along his cheek. "I'm gonna show you everything I like, everything that makes me feel good. I promise. Tonight, though, I wanna make _you_ feel good." She surges forward to kiss him again, hand on his jaw. "You down for that?"

"Deanna," he answers, like her name means 'yes'.

She moves her hands to his shoulders and starts to nudge the coat off, and his suit jacket along with it. "Can't wait to get you out of these."

"You have already seen me without them," he remarks with a frown, and no. She can't have him thinking like that.

"Future you doesn't count. That wasn't really you. This is different. _This_ is our first time."

His coat drops to the floor, and he reaches out a hand to smooth her hair back from her face. "Is that how you feel?"

"That's how it _is_ ," she says, and then drops her eyes from his to focus on his tie and shirt buttons, feeling suddenly shy.

Once his shirt is open she runs her hands down his sides, firm enough not to tickle, and feels him twitch slightly. She brings a hand up and thumbs at a nipple, and he gasps and strips his shirt the rest of the way off without any prompting.

"This is gonna be so great. You'll see," she promises. "Now lie down on the bed."

She quickly strips off her shirt and bra, impatient to join him, to drape herself over him and see how he reacts to her hips pressed against his. She practically leaps onto the bed and arranges herself so she's straddling his hips, looking down at him. He looks- no one's ever looked at her like that, like there's nothing in the world but her and like she can do amazing things, can do anything. 

"Hey there," she says, grinning, and grinds her crotch against him. He moans like he's an inch away from coming, and there're still four layers of cloth between them. 

"Deanna," he says, and she goes still. Cas reaches up and traces the curves of her breasts with hesitant fingers, making her shiver. "I want to kiss you."

"You can," she says, starting to lean down, but his arms stop her.

"All over," he continues. "I want to press my lips to every bit of your skin, taste it, taste _you_. You're so beautiful."

She closes her eyes and exhales shakily, undone by the image. "Fuck, Cas, we can do that next time. This time's for you, remember?" She looks down into his blue, blue eyes and rests her right hand over his heart. "Right now, how about some more nudity, huh?" She undoes his belt buckle and fly, slipping her hand into his briefs to stroke his cock for the first time.

"Oh, oh oh oh," he pants, hips thrusting upward. "That's-"

"Amazing," she finishes for him. "Pants off, now." She moves off him and gets her own jeans off, kicking her shoes away as she does, which reminds her. She kneels down to untie Cas's shoes, which, sure enough, he's forgotten.

The position means that when he tugs his briefs down, his now freed cock is at her eye level. She eyes it hungrily; it's just as hot as the other time she saw it. She really wants to suck on it, but figures that'd probably last about thirty seconds, and she wants Cas coming inside her again. 

She must spend a moment kind of mesmerized by Cas's cock, though, because she only looks up when Cas traces his fingers along her breastbone. "We're naked now," he says seriously.

"Yeah." She swallows and stands up. "You ready to do this?"

"I trust you," he says simply.

"Then lie back on the bed."

Fuck, the way Cas looks, naked on the bed, cock hard for her, everything about him open and unguarded- she can't breathe for a second. It doesn't seem real, possible. Light-headed, she moves until she's straddling him again, hovering so she can feel his cock brush against the inside of her thighs.

"I love you," she says, because that's important, and slides down onto him, until he's buried in her all the way.

"I- I-" he stutters, and he's got his eyes closed tight, like it's too much. She starts to rock against him, slowly. 

"Look at me, Cas, c'mon. That's it." The heat in his eyes feels like a physical presence, tracing her skin. "This is us together, how we're meant to be. You're meant to be inside me like this, like our baby is inside me, too."

"Deanna." Cas sounds wrecked. "I love you - kiss me - show me what to do - _please_."

So she bends down close, kisses him, and his mouth finds hers desperately, kisses mingling with gasps of breath with no finesse at all. She takes his hand and presses it against her clit, touching herself and making him touch her as she moves her hips more frantically against him and he thrusts up erratically to meet her.

Cas comes first, moaning what could be her name, and it's so breathtaking, to watch him come for the first time ever, to know that she made an angel come, that it only takes a little more pressure on her clit before she comes, too. "Cas, Cas, oh," she pants, collapsing against his chest.

She lies there, enjoying the feeling of his warm body against her, not wanting to pull away.

"How soon can we do that again?" he asks, and she laughs.


End file.
